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"You son of a perverse, rebellious woman!"  

I'll give you three guesses who said this line.  HINT: It was a father to a son.

If you turn your Bible to 1 Samuel 20:30 you will see this line being yelled out in anger.  King Saul was fuming mad at his son Jonathan because Jon had a deep friendship with David.  That is the David who was to be king of Israel one day.  Saul's jealousy drove him mad, literally.  He went coo coo for coco puffs.  Crazy.

Saul expected his son to treat biological family ties as more important than righteousness.  Pleasing your earthly father is to trump pleasing your Heavenly Father.  Well, we still do this today, but that is a subject for another time and place.  For now, let me just close out this three part blog series with these words:

Men, never, ever, insult your wife backhandedly while yelling at another person!  

The New Living Translation renders Saul's mad fit like this: "You son of a whore!"

Gulp.  I can only imagine how icy Saul's bedroom became after that cold, cruel, thoughtless comment.  Irony is, he was really only insulting himself.  After all, he did choose to marry that "perverse, rebellious woman."  The remark spoken in anger said far more about Saul than it did his wife.

The same holds true for our words spoken in anger, my brothers.

"The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God" (James 1:20).

"And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness.  The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell . . . no human being can tame the tongue" (James 3:6-8).

Dear Lord, only You can tame our tongues.  Please help us, O God.  Help us own our angry, unrighteous, hurtful words.  Help us confess and repent and seek forgiveness from those our words have bludgeoned.  Make us like Jesus.  Help us speak words of blessing and inspiration and value over our wives, our children, our friends and church family.  For the sake of Christ's Word in and among and through us.  Amen.     

In honor of mothers and godly women everywhere . . . I offer up this second blog post in the series.

Samson was a man's man.  This dude took the jawbone of a donkey and slew one thousand Philistines with it.  Now, that's warrior ingenuity!  Trust me, men, nobody in the UFC today could even hope to last more than a minute in the octagon with Samson.

But, like so many manly champions, Samson's weakness was, you guessed it, women.

His first wife was a Philistine.  He arranged a large feast for her on the wedding day, and really liked how she looked. So far so good.  Keep it up, Sammy.

Then, Samson decided to put a riddle to the enemies of Israel, the Philistines.  The deal was, if they figured out the riddle Samson would give them thirty linen wraps and thirty changes of clothes.  OK, this just got weird.  But, that was the deal.  But if they could not solve the riddle, they owed Sammy the linen fashion wear.

Well, the Philistines threatened to kill Samson's wife and family if she did not tell them the answer to the riddle.  So, she begged for a week and Samson finally gave up the goods.  But, here's where it gets really hilarious and sad.

When the Philistines solved the riddle, Samson said:

If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have found out my riddle (Judges 14:18).

Men, please, please never call your wife a heifer.  In fact, you should probably avoid any and all references to animals when speaking of your wife.  Just sayin'.

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones" (Proverbs 16:24).

With Mother's Day on the near horizon, ladies dear to me are on my mind.  My wife is amazing.  She is my favorite mom and woman in the whole world.  I mean no offense at all to my own mother, whom I love and try to honor.  She brought me into this world!  But I also know that God says a man is to leave his father and mother and cling unto his wife (Gen 2:24; Matt 19:5).  So, I don't think my own mother would even expect me to say anything other than, "My wife is the best woman I know!"

All this pondering of inner and outer beauty in my wife has led me recently to hone in on some phrases in my daily Bible readings.  Coincidentally enough, my wife actually jokingly referred to one of these comments just this morning, as she had come across it in her daily readings, too.

These comments are what we might call, "Things not to say to your wife."

For my first example, I introduce you to one Elkanah.  He is not as well known as his wife, Hannah.  Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying Elkanah was ungodly.  He seems to be a god-fearing man.  He, along with Hannah, agreed to give up their son, Samuel, to the Lord's service (1 Sam 1).  So, he definitely got some things right, by God's grace.

But, he also got something very wrong.  When Hannah was grieving deeply over her inability to have children, Elkanah quipped, "Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad?  Am I not better to you than ten sons?"

Uh, well, no, Mr. Insensitive.  

Men, do not say this, or anything like this, to your wives!  When she is hurting or grieving, the best thing you can say is probably nothing at all.  But O, how many times have I screwed this up myself?!  I'm amazed that my wife is still loving me and living with me, given how many times I have traveled the path of Elkanah.

Men, seek God's sensitivity training.  "A soft answer turns away wrath."  Or, "weep with those who weep."  How much better would Hannah have felt if Ogre Elkanah had simply wrapped his arms around her, cried with her, told her he was sorry, and offered to pray with her?

P.S.  For a hilarious take on this theme, check out Tim Hawkins' song.

According to a recent study social networking may not make for healthy marriages.

A highlight from the study: Couples who don’t use social media sites at all reported being 11.4 percent happier with their marriage than heavy social media users. Heavy social media users were 32 percent more likely to think about leaving their spouse, compared with 16 percent for a nonuser.

Can I just tell you how not surprised I am?

As a Pastor, I hear complaints more and more often about what a spouse did or said on a social networking site.  Or, who a spouse "friended."  For all the "defenses" I so often hear Christians making regarding their Facebook time, I must admit the dangers appear to me to outweigh the good benefits.  Common sense tells me that "flirting" is far too easy on social networks.  Accountability is sadly lacking between spouses.  And it only takes one inappropriate comment to wound a spouse and deeply damage the trust which is foundational to healthy marriage.

The tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity; the tongue is among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell . . . no one can tame the tongue (James 3:6-8).

A Christian husband or wife who takes this Scripture seriously would have some major boundaries set and clear accountability in place.  Right?

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh to gratify its lusts (Rom 13:14).

A Christian who takes this verse seriously would not "friend" old boyfriends or girlfriends, high school flings, or one-time stands, or the cute co-worker in the adjacent cubicle.  Right?  At least not without major accountability in place.

Can I just tell you how much I appreciate ladies in my church family who email me but make sure they copy their husbands?  Or, single ladies who email me and copy my wife?  This thrills my soul and brings God great glory!  These women inspire me to be more careful myself, to copy my wife or other pastors or husbands when I communicate digitally.  The church is awash in relational decay and trust between brothers and sisters in the same local congregations seems to be at an all time low.  May God help us think seriously and biblically on these things.

While we're on this subject, let me encourage the members of Corydon Baptist Church to prayerfully consider giving up something that has a significant hold on your life this month.  Call it the Protestant version of Lent if you want.  The concept itself is good, so long as we are being driven by God-fearing motives saturated in our continual need of Gospel Grace in Christ.  Why not have "digital free" days every week?  Screen-free days?  TV-less or movie-less days? A coffee-less day. Give up FB for a week.  Try it!  This is the only way you'll know just how strong a hold a habit has on you.  Give up something and spend the time you would have spent doing that thing in prayer or Bible reading or talking with your spouse eyeball-to-eyeball.

All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything (1 Cor 6:12).

For by what a man is overcome, by this he is enslaved (2 Peter 2:19).

I have debated and debated writing a blog about husbanding from a wife's viewpoint but decided that it may be helpful to say some things that are general about so many marriages.  I read all these marriage blogs about marriage that make it sound so perfect, so divine.  While I am thankful for good Godly marriages that shine Jesus, I am also well aware that marriage is as much about heartache and hard work as it is love and fluffiness.

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22).

18 Years ago today, God gave me my "good thing!"  And He has so favored me, just as the Proverb says, by and through her Christ-like love.  

Michele is the Queen of my Heart.  She has loved me when I was unlovable.  She has tolerated tantrums and other ridiculous, selfish sins on my part.  She has been a sanctifying instrument in the Lord's hands, sharpening me as a man, as a friend, as a husband, as a Dad, and as a Pastor.

Michele - I am still your man!  May God give me grace to love you more and more like our precious Savior.  You amaze me and I am more enthralled with you now than ever before.  Keep pointing me to Jesus, and let's enjoy this amazing pursuit of Him, hand-in-hand and heart-to-heart.   

Soli Deo Gloria!

Today while folding laundry...massive joy swept through me....no keep reading....I was not just folding any laundry...I was folding my husband's workshirts. He wears plain old white button down shirts and while folding them I was so thankful I could not stand it. I have been folding that man's laundry for 28 years...what happened today? Hindsight happened. For most of those 28 years, I have folded his clothes grumbling and fussing because I wash...I fold and most of the time I put away...I am an expert grumbler in the area of laundry....until recently. At 48 years old and looking on the other side of my marriage...wondering how many more precious years I will get to enjoy with my husband...God has changed my heart. I have served my husband over these last years because I "had to" and completely missed the joy of " I get to". I have become so aware of how short time is...it is a vapor...every opportunity to love on Cliff..to serve him...to.honor him...to respect him...is so precious to me. Hindsight has made me sad in many ways...i cannot retrieve my grumbly attitude...I cannot respect where I disrespected...BUT I can thank God for changing my heart and creating in me a wisdom for loving my husband differently in the next 60 years :))). And i can share with my precious younger sisters in Christ...married and unmarried what hindsight has taught me. All seasons are but a short time...every opportunity to love your husband...to enjoy and serve him...is precious. It goes fast sisters. I pray that you live in freedom to love your husbands at young ages in such a way that your hindsight is sweet. Praise God for no condemnation and changes from glory to glory...

Sunday morning Pastor Keith preached a message that cut my heart in so many ways.  He preached about
obstacles to contentment or peaceful satisfaction in Christ.  One of those obstacles was a love of money
which is many times lived out in the form of workaholic lives.

What a sad story to hear children talk about their daddy's work schedules because that is the best or only thing they know about daddy.  I understood Pastor's drive and passion for men to hear the heart of God in this area but my mind was also
screaming. .  .don't leave us ladies out!  We need to be checked too!  I was referring to wives.

Wives, are your husbands workaholics because of his discontent or because of yours?  A wife can be the determining factor many times in her husband's work schedule.  Are you satisfied with an income that allows your husband to work 40 hours as opposed to 60?  It has become so easy to yell “there is not enough to go around,” but by whose standards?  A nagging wife who not only expects a certain income but demands it can be the very reason that God's plan for family is not
happening.

We must start to be honest about our own desires versus our needs.  Do our husbands have the freedom pastor spoke
of on Sunday to say to their boss that God and family must come first?  Does that belief power their home or are our
husbands terrified to turn down overtime for fear of the reaction at home?  I believe as women we must ask God to search
our hearts (Psalm 139) and see if there be any love of money there, as well as praying that for our husbands.

Questions to consider. . .

1. Do we feel that the presence of our husband is necessary to the life of our home?

2.  Do we feel angry when he refuses overtime because he wants to be home?

3. Is there always a financial reason why your husband has to or wants to exceed normal working hours?

Search our hearts God and make them wholly thine.

In Christ....Lori Beard

Today, May 20th, 2012 marks my 17th Anniversary!  Seventeen years ago today, I stood in front of my gorgeous wife and made a vow to God and her to be her husband until death.

I am amazed I am still married all these years later!  This is not because of Michele.  No, no, she is the easiest person to love and live with this side of heaven.  Rather, I am amazed I am still married because of the selfishness of my own heart and soul.

Far too often I come home from a day's work and plop down with an eager expectation to be served.  After all, I deserve it - that's what they tell me on TV.  I worked hard all day.  Time now for me to perch on my royal reclining throne and be waited on hand and foot.  God forgive me.

Now you know why I say I am amazed.  It is the sheer grace of God that has enabled my wife to not just tolerate me, but to love and honor and respect me in spite of me!  Truth is, some days I get the whole "love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her" pretty right.  Some days I fumble.  Other days I just flop.

But, every time I am reminded of God's high calling for me to model Jesus to Michele, and to intentionally seek to serve her and lead her and "wash her with the water of the Word" - every time that happens it is an act of God's gracious Spirit in my life and to Him alone belong all honor, praise, glory and dominion forever. 

God has made our 17 years immeasurably good.  God has graced us with friends to sharpen us and love us in the gospel.  God has used men and women to re-form our thinking on marriage and family and child-rearing.  Time and again the Holy Spirit has broken us down "shotgun style" and re-created our minds and hearts to bend our lives to His Holy Word.  Our marriage, we have come to realize, is not primarily about us! 

Our marriage is ordained of God to show off His power and glory and grace in the gospel of Jesus Christ.  This has made all the difference for us.  God has never stopped growing us together as "one flesh."  When we have, by our own sinful stubbornness, threatened to "put asunder" what He joined together, King Jesus has swooped in to our rescue!  He has slowly, patiently used Michele in my life to chip away all the rough edges that do not look like Himself.  What an awesome Savior Jesus is!  I see His beauty so much more clearly in my wife's eyes now then I did even on that day when she strolled down the aisle in a white dress.

And, our precious daughters have only made our marriage stronger, more gospel-focused, more Jesus-enthralled.  Do not believe the culture's message that children "spoil" or "ruin" or "distract" you from marriage.  That is Satan's lie!  God says children are His "heritage" to us (Ps 127) and that a man with a wife who is a "fruitful vine" with precious "olive shoots" around the dinner table is graced (Ps 128).

Nothing has grown us more as "one flesh" than loving our daughters together, teaching them together, correcting them together, training them together, and investing in their souls together.  Our children have only served to increase our "oneness" in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So, today to Meaghan and Keileigh I say, "You are precious gems in my eyes and I delight in you, my daughters.  Your love and laughter have only made me want to love and treasure Jesus and your mommy more and more.  May you always look far above your earthly Daddy to set your eyes on the Father of Lights through His Holy Son, Jesus."

And to Michele, "You are the queen of my heart and I cannot wait to keep becoming one with you in the Lord for yet another 17 years.  I love you more deeply and more truly now than ever." 

And to my Lord and Master, "What have I done to deserve such favor from Your Hand?  Thank you, Precious Jesus for lavishing grace on me through my bride.  I could not be the man you have called me to be apart from Your work in and through her.  Thank you for helping me 'find a good thing' (Prov 18:22) 17 years ago.  Please keep pursuing me and making me like You, that Your love for Your Bride the Church might be made known even through the likes of me."