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A friend of mind recently asked me how she could more effectively teach her children who God is, while reinforcing the importance of really knowing Him.  A more important question could hardly be asked!  So, here's my response to her, which I pray will prove useful to others raising and teaching children:

Let's begin by acknowledging how critical knowing God really is.  Jesus said, "This is eternal life, that they may know You, the One true God and Jesus Christ whom You have sent" (John 17:3).  So, nothing matters more than knowing God!  

A Gallup Poll found that most Americans think women should start having children by age 25.  Seems reasonable to me, if not a bit late!  But then again I'm considered "far right" and far too religiously conservative for "most Americans."

I came across this blog, recently, by Monica Bielanko.  You can read the whole thing by following this link, or you can just read a few of the excerpts I will cut and paste below.

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/survey-reveals-ideal-age-women-children-8212-total-162400985.html

Monica hates the very thought of any American woman giving birth at age 25.  She writes:

"Do you know what I was doing at 25?

 Dancing on bars after 4 too many shots of Jagermeister. Dating as many men as possible to figure out that guys who kick in your car door probably aren't the marrying kind. Working my way to the top of the journalism food chain, first at FOX in Salt Lake City and later ABC in New York City, both of which involved 10-hour workdays. I was traveling. New York City, Mexico, London, Italy … you get the idea. I was grabbing myself a big ol' handful of life whilst trying very hard not to create it, because that wouldn't have been ideal. For me."

And here we have the prevalent view of feminists in the western world.  Do what makes you happy.  Self-actualize.  Advance yourself.  Promote numeral uno.  Party hardy.  Avoid babies at all costs because they will most definitely cramp your pursuit of your own pleasure.

Monica continues:

"What I'm telling you in a rather round about fashion is that 58% of the more than 5,000 people surveyed -- the ones who say women should have children in their late teens or early 20s -- are just plain wrong. But that's not all. Anyone who says women should have children by any age is wrong.

These kinds of surveys are so annoying, yet they seem to immediately go viral and do such a disservice to women out their living their lives and making choices based on what's right for them - decisions that likely already go against the grain of what society/our parents/religion/TV/movies tell us. Decisions like our careers, delaying motherhood, choosing to be a single mom … but that's exactly what's wrong with any survey related to the ideal kind of parenting: there are no absolutes. You should do what is best for your circumstances; breastfeed/don't breastfeed, let your kid cry it out/pick him up every time he sniffles, feed him gluten/don't fee him gluten … WHATEVER."

Whatever.  That's the motto of America today!  

While I agree with Monica that we shouldn't try to make hard and fast rules about when someone must have a baby, the absolute truth is that God declares it not optional for anyone who is married.  The very first command He issued to humanity was "Be fruitful and mutiply and fill the earth" (Genesis 1:28).  So, excepting the gift of single-hood and/or health issues preventing pregnancy, God has made Himself clear!

Take a look again at the "decisions" Monica affirms: our careers, delaying motherhood.  These are selfishly motivated.  What about the third decision: choosing to be a single mom.  That decision is outright rebellion to the design of Holy God for sex and marriage.  This kind of thinking is precisely what is ruining our culture, leading to rampant fatherlessness and poverty.  This creates a vicious cycle, too, as children raised in those situations typically become the next generation of "do it my way" parents dependent upon the government for nearly all things pertaining to child-rearing.

The inconsistency of Monica's position is glaring.  She says anyone thinking women should have babies in their 20s is "wrong."  But that word - wrong - defies her life philosophy of "WHATEVER."  And she is obviously slanted towards name-calling if you disagree with her, as this excerpt shows:

Furthermore, there's a lot of evidence that the gains in wages over the past few decades have been made by childless women and that the longer women wait to have kids - up to a point - the better it will be for their lifetime earnings and financial security. The fact that less educated young people still think that women should have children young isn't good news for our already yawning class divide. The younger you have kids, the more difficult it is to pursue higher education, and according to a Pew study, "What is irrefutable … is that on average the more education a woman has, the better off her children will be."

See?  If you like the idea of young women having babies you must be uneducated and you are holding back all the progress in the Women's Movement.  You are not playing the game by Feminism's rules, and you should be ashamed.  That's the implication, no?

What is not mentioned at all in this whole article is Dad.  It's all about women and their children.  An education-at-all-costs (because we worship education in America) mentality is what our daughters should pursue.  If they go to college, their children will be "better off."  Do the "baby thing" whenever and however you so choose.  But let us not forget, the "baby thing" requires a man!

Where is Dad in all this philosophizing?  A woman's children will be better off if Dad and Mom stick together for life in a marriage the honors King Jesus.  Children will be better off with moms who invest their days in teaching them the Bible, and how to cook and how to serve the elderly and how to work hard at loving and supporting a godly husband and dad.  Children will be better off when the church rises up and embraces them, regardless of their home circumstances.

Oh dear friends, this blog makes me sad for our future.  But, it also strengthens my resolve to proclaim God's holy design for family, even as I love and minister to broken, hurting single moms and divorcees and children who did not choose any of that for themselves.  May God awaken us adults to see that all our "choices" deeply impact those precious little ones living in the houses with us.  They are our Divine heritage (Psalm 127).  May we be given grace to choose more wisely than this blogger named Monica.  And may God send His gospel to Monica and rescue her from her life of "me-ness," just like He did for me.

  

According to a recent Family Research Council report, 45% of children ages 15-17 in America have been raised in intact families (a Dad and Mom in the home).  That's a surprising statistic, and if accurate is higher than I would expect!

Sad, though, isn't it, that 45% seems to be "high."  Essentially 6 of 10 children aged 15-17 have not been raised in an intact family.  Sounds worse when said that way, huh?

Before I go any further, I want to pause and make clear the mandate of the Gospel of Christ to His Church is to "make disciples of all the peoples."  This means we can and should be reaching out with gospel love and grace to single moms, drunkard runaway Dads, divorcees, never-marrieds, and yes, even the good old intact families of America.  We all need Jesus, and I desire the church I pastor to continue to be a place that loves and evangelizes and disciples all peoples from all walks of life.

That said, the biblical ideal is either single-hood for the purpose of fully serving God, or marriage between one man and one woman for life that seeks to raise godly offspring (Gen 2:24; Mal 2:15; Matt 19:3-9; 1 Cor 7:32-35).  This we cannot compromise; for God has spoken.

What struck me as a bit odd, perhaps troubling, about the Family Research Council report was how many supposedly "conservative, church-going" states `rank`ed poorly in the intact family percentages.  The 20 States with the lowest percentages of children ages 15-17 raised in an intact family included:

• My State of Residence, Indiana.
• My home State of KY.
• West Virginia, Missouri.
• North Carolina, Tennessee, Florida, South Carolina, Georgia.

The four bottom states were: Arkansas, Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi.

Friends, if the South is ever going to rise again she must renounce this ungodly trend and run back to God's way of doing home and family!  I cannot help but wonder, "What are all the churches in the south doing, anyway?"  Good grief, there is a church on every corner of nearly every Southern town!

The Family Research Council report noted that children raised in intact families will grow up to be less dependent on government welfare programs, and are less likely to need government assistance.  So, the government clearly has an interest in promoting intact families, or at least it should!

But far greater and weightier than that, the Church of the Risen Savior has an immense interest in promoting and equipping people to pursue biblical godliness in the home!  Or, at least she should have an immense interest.  Apparently many churches in the South still have not gotten God's memo on the home and family, or more truthfully, they are merely neglecting it.

God help us in the Church, however, to never be satisfied with large percentages of intact families.  That is only a very basic starting place.  God's ideal is a Dad who leads out like Christ, loves sacrificially like Christ, and teaches the Word to His family ever bit as consistently as he puts physical bread on their tables!  God's ideal is a Mom who submits like Christ, who pours herself into her home day-in-day-out, who rejects slothfulness, and who nurtures her children like Father God.  God's ideal is children joyfully submitting to parental authority, even as they look to God as the Highest Law in the Land.

Doing home God's way is a high calling!  Who is sufficient for these things?  Nobody, apart from Christ.

"Apart from Me, you can do nothing" (John 15:5).

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13).

"The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body" (1 Corinthians 6:13).

My daughter just turned 13 last month!  Thirteen.  Ten plus three.  No matter how I say it or write it, it still lands with gravity!

She is a young woman now, no doubt.  Really she has been for almost a year, but as her Dad, I waited for this significant milestone to celebrate with her the passage from childhood into adulthood.  While my methods and thinking are far from perfect here, I want to share a little about the rite of passage I shared with Meaghan on her birthday in hopes other Dads will far excel me in helping themselves and their precious daughters transit the difficult waters flowing into adulthood.

I began the evening by bringing her a bouquet of flowers and asking her to honor me as my date for the night.  And she said "yes!"

Whew - step one accomplished!  

Next, after she got fancied up for her date, we spent some time at home alone and I seized the moment to discuss what I called "The 4 S's of Purity" with her.  After that serious time, I gave her a poem I wrote for her and we dried up our tears and set out to enjoy a feast at Cheddar's.  And yes, we ate the whole Monster Cookie!  But here, let me hone in on those 4 S's because I think Dad's (and Mom's) need to be leading out in these discussions with their children.  These 4 S's will help our children grasp true purity and pursue genuine holiness by God's powerful grace.  Here they are, as I essentially gave them to Meaghan:

1.  A right view of the Savior.  This is where purity begins!  Only Jesus is perfectly pure and if we ever forget our desperate need for Him and His infinite worth, it is certain our purity will suffer dramatically.  Our children must come to see Jesus as the one and only King of their hearts!  Jesus is the Husband of husbands, the Lover of our very souls.  He is worthy of every ounce of effort we give towards pursuing purity and guarding our hearts, and so much more.  So, is it likely a young woman would give her body and emotions away to a young man outside of marriage if her mind was stayed on the worth of her Savior?  

2.  A right view of Satan.  We have a real enemy, and he is crafty, deceitful and makes impurity appear so attractive.  The Bible says "Give no opportunity to the devil" (Eph 4:27).  Our daughters (and sons) must get this!  They must submit to the protecting wisdom and grace God gives them through their parents.  We must explain why we simply will not allow our teen children to be alone with the opposite sex, or to go into dark movie theaters with a hormone-enraged boy, or attend school dances where far too little supervision is present and far too much groping occurs.  Our young men and women must know Satan loves those little windows of opportunity teens so often give him and he uses them to "devour" them.  "We wrestle not against flesh and blood."  There is a war on!  Be alert children!  Stay vigilant sons and daughters!  

3.  A right view of Sin.  This "S" goes hand-in-hand with the above.  Satan and sin are like peanut butter and jelly.  They love sticking together!  Satan so often finds us easy targets.  Why?  Because we are SINNERS!  If our sons and daughters are to grasp true purity and fight for it God's way, then they must keep a biblical view of sin ever before them.  How many young people in our churches would have still decided to have sex or go to "third base" with someone if they went into that situation fully aware of how their own sin behaves?  Odds are they would not even be in a position to have sex with someone in the first place if the Bible's view of sin were at the forefront of their minds.  Like Satan, sin is so very deceptive.  It masquerades and hides in dark corners, lurking and waiting for us to grow lethargic or weary in the battle, then it pounces!  "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" (1 John 1:8).  "Let him who thinks he stands take heed, lest he fall" (1 Cor 10:12).  "Pride goes before destruction" (Prov 16:18).  The Apostle Paul teaches that sin uses our physical bodies to do its dastardly deeds: "Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal bodies to make you obey their passions.  Do not present your members to sin as instruments of unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments of righteousness" (Rom 6:12-13).  This is God's instruction to Christians!  We have His Spirit and Word empowering us to choose to submit our own physical bodies to God for righteousness.  This is "fighting sin 101" for believers concerned about purity!  We must know our enemies (Satan and sin) and not be "ignorant of their schemes."  No man or woman is immune to committing sexual sin.  And our daughters especially must hear from Dads (or other Christian men in the church) just how strong sexual desire and temptation is in the hearts of men.  Men, we must be transparent here for the glory of God and the good of our daughters!  We know how it feels to be dominated by hormonal urges, so let's warn our girls!  God help our children keep a right view of sin.  Would it be likely for a Christian teen to get hooked on porn or have sex if that teen were constantly reminding himself or herself that this very filth God hated so much that He crushed His Son for it?  Our impurity got Jesus nailed to a tree and abandoned!

4. A right view of Sex.  Contrary to how many Christian parents have tried to teach this to children, we need to make sure our children hear us say, "Sex is good.  Sex is wonderful.  Sex is a gift from God" (see Song of Solomon).  But we also need to make sure they know that like any good gift from God, we can sinfully abuse and misuse it.  Sex God's way is for a husband and his wife, period.  God designed sex for pro-creation (Genesis 1:28; Malachi 2:15).  But God also designed sex to be the most delightful physical and emotional experience on this earth, to be enjoyed by husband and wife as a foretaste of the sheer ecstasy that will one day be ours when we see the King of Glory face-to-face.  The "one flesh union" is only a sign of Christ's union with His blood-bought Church (Ephesians 5:25-33).  God put the desire for sex in us, and it is strong (1 Cor 7:1-5).  God also gave us a desire for food.  But our good desires can ferment if we allow sin to control them.  So, let your children know their desire for the opposite gender is in fact from God.  It's OK for young women to be attracted to young men or vice-versa!  Just like it's OK for a young woman to desire food.  But, we must solemnly warn them, that allowing that desire to turn sinful will be like sitting down to a meal of nothing but cake icing.  At first it may taste sweet, but the end result will be vomit.  On the other hand, saving one's self for a husband or wife will prove to be one of this life's sweetest rewards, as God is honored and "the marriage bed undefiled" (Hebrews 13:4).

After Meaghan and I discussed these 4 S's, I gave her a purity ring but told her to wear it not on her finger but on a chain.  Two reasons: One, purity is never to be flaunted.  Rather, it lives in quiet, peaceful submission to King Jesus.  Two, by wearing the ring on a chain, it lies close to her heart as a reminder that purity is always a matter of the heart.  And last time I checked, only One Person has the power to save and sanctify our very hearts (inner lives, will, mind).  His Name is Jesus.

The best blog posts and sermon illustrations always come from real life.  At least that's true in my opinion.  This is why I do not post to this blog multiple times a week, and sometimes I go silent for a few weeks at a time.  My life is not always riveting (as difficult as that may be for some of you to believe).

But today a decision was made in my family that I think is worthy of your consideration.

My youngest daughter Keileigh expressed some interest in playing softball this season.  Apparently our homeschool co-op had passed out flyers or something, and this sparked interest.  Well, dummy me I thought it was a homeschool co-op thing, where maybe they would bring in someone to help teach the girls softball and let them play a bit.  By the time I found out it was an actual softball league, we had already missed the deadline.  But, the coach or director was willing to let us squeeze in still, if we so desired.  I called him today to tell him "no thanks."  The conversation with Keileigh went something like this:

"Sweety, I have decided to not to let you play softball.  Let me tell you why.  First, we missed the deadline and I don't like asking people to bend rules for us.  And, to be honest, the cost is too high in both fees and lots of gas to get you to practices and games, not to mention we have to go also buy you a glove, which you don't have.  I just don't think this is a good way for us to spend that much money, because all our money belongs to God and we have to be careful to spend it in ways that honor Him.  But most of all, the time this will take away from all the other things we know God wants us to do is the reason I don't want you to play.  Multiple practices and games every week mean you cannot spend as much time playing with your sister, and going to see sick people in hospitals, and singing songs to our shut-in church members, and eating breakfast with one of our widows.  This game, like most sports, takes up much more time each week than it seems like it will when you first sign up.  And as fun as it may be, sweety, we just cannot become a family who places that much priority and emphasis on something that will not matter in eternity.  But, what I will do is buy us a basketball goal soon and we can begin playing as a family, and maybe Mommy can plan a few times for our whole church to get together and play softball together this summer.  OK?"

Keileigh's reaction was one of childlike sadness, tempered by a genuine heart to submit to her Daddy and also keep fighting to live her life in ways that defy the world and please her Savior and King, Jesus.  I know she wanted to cry a bit, but she didn't.  She was not surprised by my decision.  This is a decision I have been making repeatedly with both my daughters for over 5 years now.  [We did let Meaghan play softball one season about 4 years ago in North Carolina.  But, when they refused to cancel a game when it was 110 degrees and 95% humidity, with little girls getting horribly sun-burned and threatening to drop of heat exhaustion, that kinda convinced us, and Meaghan too, that this was clearly not being viewed for what it is - A GAME.]

Now some of you are growing more irritated with me by the second.  You are mad.  You think I am accusing you of being sub-Christian if your child is in sports.  Well, I am not accusing you of anything.  I am merely relaying to you my thought process as a Dad who wants to lead his family to radical devotion to Christ and His people, the Church.  Any honest believer must confess that sports in America is now well beyond the level of idolatry (for the majority of people, anyway).  All I am urging you to do is "count the cost."

Whoever does not carry his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.  For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?  (Luke 14:27-28)

These words from our Master often haunt me.  These words from Jesus demand that His followers be willing to consider the cost of every activity of life.  Can we really afford this - not just financially, but primarily spiritually?!  

So, how much time do you spend each week with sports or other activities compared to the time you spend in the Word with your children, doing life together with your church family, praying, visiting widows and orphans, and gathering with the church for worship?  How we spend our time and money, perhaps more than anything else in life, reveals where our treasure really is.

So, why is it that so many Christians and Church-goers today will let almost anything get in the way of genuine discipleship?  Why do we move heaven and earth to get to work on time or softball practice on time but cannot seem to get up on Sunday morning to get our family to worship on time?  Why is it that we would never dream of falling asleep during a briefing at work from our bosses, but we routinely sleep during sermons?  Why would we not even think of allowing our children or teens to sleep through school, but we think it's not that big a deal if they sleep or pass notes during the sermon?  Why is it like pulling eye-teeth to get a small group of church members to actually commit and follow through in joining a biblical small group?    

Friends, the Christian life is a war!  (See Romans 7-8 and Galatians 5)  We had better wake up and seek grace to get in the fight and stay there!  God help us have the courage to count the cost.        

I have a 12 year old daughter who seemingly became a woman (physically) overnight.  God has blessed her with amazing beauty (after all, she looks like a female version of me).  OK, so that was my sick attempt at humor!  But seriously, now that young womanhood is present in my home, "who is sufficient for these things"?

Apparently not me.

But, I am not alone.  I distinctly remember one of my favorite preachers, Dr. Voddie Baucham, sharing how his own daughter's sudden entrance into womanhood caught him offguard and forced him to begin changing things he'd never thought of before, like how to hug her now, how she could and could not sit in his lap, and a host of other issues.  Oh the joys and perils of parenthood!  What a sanctifying gift from God these precious children are to us.

Our struggles as parent of a now "tween" are not uncommon.  Several others in the church I serve are neck deep in this swamp, too!  So, I offer some lengthy thoughts that I hope will be used of God to guide us in this adventure.

• First, we need to realize we are parenting in be "tween" times - pun very intended.  In the decades of the early 20th century, rigid, legalistic parenting often aimed at outward behavior and rarely ministered to children's hearts.  Sex and attraction or desire for the opposite gender was not spoken of, and if mentioned, it was declared to be "evil" and "bad."  It was taboo.  Children and parents rarely discussed these things heart to heart.  The tragic result was a generation of "hiders."  Children and teens growing up in the 1920s-50s were going behind parents' backs doing all sorts of sexual mischief.  Don't believe me?  Ask an honest 80 year old.  Children were scared to death to even tell their parents they were attracted to someone.  Those feelings were off limits, forbidden, left undiscussed.  The only problem is that those attractions and desires were STILL PRESENT in the breasts of those kids, and tragically left to their own devices!
• The 1960s generation of young adults finally tired of playing the hiding game, and knee-jerked in the other direction.  Free love and rampant sex in any form you wanted.  This was my parents' generation.  They typically held the reins on their children far too loosely, if they held them at all.  Young men and women were permitted to spend time alone in darkened movie theaters and lots of other places.  Supervision was lacking.  Group dates often morphed into time alone in the car off a back alley.  And we are still reeling from the results of this "laissez-faire" parenting approach, aren't we?  STDs and sexual deviancy are becoming normal?

So, now we are seeing a new crop of Christian parents, of which I am one, hungry to return to bringing up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4).  God has given us men and women and ministries out the wazoo to help us do family God's way.  Praise God for His kindness and patience and mercy!  But, we must ever be vigiliant, dear friends, of the yo-yo affect.  If we had loose parents, we will typically be overly strict and lean towards legalism.  If we had legalistic parents, we will frequently gravitate to the loose end of the spectrum.  Neither are biblical or good.  Cursed human nature!

So, God is showing me time and again my need for balance.  God's way is perfectly balanced.  Here are some thoughts on parenting Tween the Times:

• Attraction or desire for opposite gender is not evil or sinful in and of itself.  God put those desires in us!  Young women are supposed to be attracted to young men by God's good design.  Trying to squelch the desire itself is not biblical.  Only the Holy Spirit can change the desires of our hearts.  And, why would God kill the desire in a woman for a man unless He was granting her the gift of singleness (1 Cor 7:32-35).  Again, opposite gender attraction is by Divine design!  Making a discussion of such attractions / feelings / desires off limits or unacceptable is not biblical parenting.  Biblical parenting always aims at the heart.  Read Proverbs and note all the references to the "heart."  We may achieve outward conformity in our children as it relates to their time spent around the opposite gender, but we do not have the power to kill sexual desire or even innocent attraction in them.
• For example, the desire for food is God-given and good.  We do not forbid our kids to discuss or feel attracted to food!  Why?  Because that desire was put in our child by God for their good and to ultimately bring Himself glory as they eat with thankful hearts to the Lord our Provider (1 Tim 4:3-5).  But, desire for food can morph into sin, right?  We call it gluttony.  So, what do we do as parents?  Cultivate the desire and aim it towards God and away from sin!  Likewise, sexual desire or attraction (opposite gender) is God-given and good, when we place it under the constraints of God and His Word (marriage being the only proper place of release for that desire).  Go ahead and try to convince your teen sex is bad and not to be desired at all.  I assure you that tactic will not change a thing going on in your teen's heart, and your teen already knows better, too!  So, we had better beg God for grace to help our children think highly enough of sex to aim their desires and attractions towards God and away from sin.  As Dr. Baucham said in a conference last year, "Our problem is that we do not think enough of sex."  Notice he did not say we do not think of sex enough!  His point is biblical and valid for us, believing parents.  We need to be asking God to help us imbue our teens with a godward view of sex in all of its exhiliration because it is designed by God in the covenant of marriage to make us long for the unspeakable thrill of one day seeing our Bridegroom face-to-face!  Ephesians 5:22-33 makes this point emphatically!
• So, our aim as Christian parents, then, is to help our tweens and teens understand their hearts (desires, attractions, thoughts) in gospel-centered ways.  We train them to examine their hearts and place all their desires before the scrutiny of God and His Word (Psalm 139).  We keep open dialogue with our children in all matters of their hearts, including sexual temptations and attractions.  How else will we train them to submit their hearts to Holy Spirit God if we do not invite and enocurage them to freely talk to us about what is happening in their hearts?  The Song of Solomon has the refrain, "Do not awaken or arouse love before its time."  It does not tell the unmarried maidens to squelch their attractions towards men, but rather not to put themselves in positions where that beast of lust or even romantic love is likely to consume them.  Nor does it condemn a desire for a man to marry.  The whole Book is actually one big celebration of romantic, sexual attraction and love done God's way!  Our job as parents is to help teach and train and supervise our children in how to not awaken (notice they're there, just sleeping) those desires in such a way that they fester into lust, which surely "gives birth to sin" (James 1:15).  We do this by teaching a robust doctrine of sanctification (Rom 6-8).  We do this by closely watching interactions with opposite gender - correcting, guiding, ever communicating, probing the heart, showing children how to discern strong, healthy spirituality in others, helping them plunge their thought life under the purity of the Spirit and the Word.  Simply put, this task cannot be done by cutting girls off from boys, but neither should it be done by haphazardly allowing "alone time" or even unsupervised mixed group interactions.  It's the challenge of BALANCE.
• Paul told young Pastor Timothy to treat and view the young women in his congregation "as sisters, in all purity."  Again, we note Paul expected the young man to pastor and relate to and interact with the young women.  He was not to avoid them.  Yet, he must relate to them purely as sisters.  Biological brothers and sisters play together.  They poke fun at one another.  They hug and show affection.  They may even sometimes pick on one another in semi-physical ways.  Nobody accuses those siblings of impurity!  I think we too often miss Paul's analogy here because we are scared to death of our children running off and doing things with boyfriends or girlfriends that we did in our loosely, under-supervised days.  But this analogy Paul employs is critical, isn't it?  How should young men and women relate in the Church?  As BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN PURITY.  So again, how are my daughters going to learn to do this biblically if nearly all of their time is spent only with same gender?
• As a parent with a biblical understanding of sin, the human heart (desires, thoughts) and the power of Christ, I must find the balance between squashing physical attraction and feeding it / leaving it unguarded so that it grows up into lust.  A teen man or woman displaying no physical desire or attraction for the oppostie gender would not seem to be biblically healthy, unless that person is being given the gift of singleness by God in order to devote his or her life to service.   I think we need to keep these things in perspective from time to time.  If my teen is not showing any interest in opposite gender, why is that?  We should be asking ourselves these questions, and guiding our teens to enter that discussion with us under the absolute authority of God's Word.

Those who know me and read this blog know that I am committed to doing the whole courtship "vetting" of a potential husband in a fairly radical way.  My wife and I have taught our girls to renounce cultural dating and they both seem joyful at knowing when the times comes (and it won't be anytime soon), we will be directly helping them get linked up with God's man for them.  We absolutely forbid our daughters to spend time alone with any boy, but we do not want to parent out of fear (doesn't come from God) and shelter them too harshly from mixed group relationships that our Sovereign God will use to further sanctify them and make them godly women.  I have written extensively on this previously, so no need to rehash here.  It just occurs to me that right now my daughter is in the Tween time.  A young woman beginning to experience the God-given interest in the male made in God's image just like her.  Yet, she knows that a boyfriend is not in her future, not anything remotely resembling dating or even courtship anytime soon.  This is a critical time for us as Mom and Dad to cultivate all that honors God in her and help her learn how to repent of and trash all that rises in her heart that threatens her love and devotion to her Forever Husband, Jesus.  This is a time for us to slowly widen some boundaries so she can learn how to view and relate to young Christian men as true brothers, even while keeping a hawk-eye on how we see her responding to these new found interests and desires (and the attention young men seem all too eager to give her).  We do not ask or expect that you agree with every single method we choose, but we do think we must ALL strive by God's grace to help one another down this path, under the authority of God's Word, for His glory alone, and the genuine good of our children.

Maybe you have this all figured out?  And no doubt many of you are excelling me in these matters.  I welcome your godly counsel and wisdom.  And I need your prayers.  God help me.  God help us. 

This just in from the parenting "experts" on NBC's Today Show: The way to solve child tantrums is to ignore them!

Who knew it was that easy?  Maybe this is the key to solving all our problems and unwanted conflicts in life - just stick your head in the sand.  Close your eyes and plug your ears and mumble under your breath to drown out the noise and pretend it's not really there. 

Is this seriously advice coming from grown up "scientific" (their word, not mine) researchers?  They claimed during that segment, that thirty years of research have finally revealed to us what "works" (the ever-present language of utilitarianism) in parenting, especially when it comes to handling tantrums.  

Really?  Thirty years of sweaty lab coat technicians and all you can give us as parents is "Ignore your children"?  This is a joke, right?  The experts said to use "positive reinforcement" and to praise your way through a tantrum.  What, pray tell, is praiseworthy about a self-centered, egotistical raving mad fit? 

Friends, child neglect is killing us as a people and as a church.  Parenting God's way rarely if ever involves you in ignoring selfish, sinful behavior.  The experts on the Today Show said tantrums are solely behavioral.  So, their solution is based solely on "what works" to adjust the outward behavior.  [These behavorial modification techniques are grounded solidly in atheisitc evolution, by the way.  Control a child the same way you control a dog.  That's the idea.]   

But Jesus said we do what we do because of our inward corruption.  Our behavior flows from our hearts (Mark 7:14-23).  The question Christian parents must always ask is "Why is my child behaving/thinking/speaking this way?"  Parenting God's way demands we ask the why question.  Parenting God's way also demands we teach and train our children to also ask the why question of their own hearts.  The Book of Proverbs is one big example of this Divinely ordained technique in action.  Why do you think the kingly Dad of Proverbs tells his son, "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he"?   

In training our children to probe their own hearts, using the Holy Scriptures, we are ministering the gospel to them.  For, as they continually come to see the ugliness within themselves, and compare that filth with the holiness of God, our children will despair of ever obtaining God's favor through mere "behavior modification."  And, when it comes to the gospel and the eternal souls of our children, despair is a good thing.  It is despair that parents, pastors, and others can use to drive children to the foot of the cross!

So, rather than ignore that tantrum, why not do it the way the Perfect Parent says to do it? 

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him (Prov. 22:15).

Heeding this counsel will prove much more beneficial to your child.  This parenting technique is "what works" in God's eyes!  This kind of parenting will address both the outward behavior (after all, children throw tantrums because they want attention.  So, pay attention to their backsides with a few crisp swats!) and the inward corruption which is driving the behavior.  Do you see how this one simple proverb demands that parents train their children by both physical discipline that changes behaviors, as well as by showing them the foolishness that is binding their hearts? 

Parenting God's way is not for the timid or lazy.  Ignoring sin in your children is easy.  Letting them go their own way takes no effort.  This is precisely what today's parenting gurus told American Dads and Moms to do.  But here's what Sovereign God says:

He who withholds the rod of correction hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently (Prov. 13:24).

As with everything else in life, it comes down to this, parents - who or what is your authority?  Today's researchers and psychiatrists may know how to modify outward behavior.  But only God can "search the heart" (Jeremiah 17:10).    

*View the Today Show clip here: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/3041445/ns/today-parenting/

Last week the nation was shocked and a bit amused to discover a boy that sunk a promotional hockey shot (he squeezed the puck through a 3 inch slit) was not the boy who actually was drawn for the chance.

The boy, Nick, who was drawn for the opportunity to make the shot and win 50 grand was outside, oblivious to the fact that he won this chance at "fame and fortune."  So, in stepped his twin brother, Nate, sent to stand in for his twin Bro by his Dad.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/Twin-boys-trickery-leads-to-50-000-hockey-goal?urn=nhl-wp10540

And he did the impossible! 

But that night, one can only imagine the nagging nuisance in Dad's gut.  That pesky conscience still haunts us, just as it was designed to do by our Creator (Rom 2:14-16).  The next morning, Dad and twin brothers were making the morning talk show scene, confessing their "crime" before the nation.

Most folks were incredibly stunned by this show of repentance and this commitment to integrity.  After all, is it really that big a deal?  Who cares which twin made the goal?  Take the cash and run!

Well, apparently the Dad cared.  He said he 'fessed up to teach his sons that integrity and truth-telling are important in life.  Living life as a liar is no way to be, and he wanted to show his sons that when they do wrong, they should try to  make it right.

Let me just pause and say, "Bravo, Dad!  Bravo!"  God give us a few more Dads like this man.

Granted, the lesson seemed to be lost on the twins, because when asked by a morning talk show host, they said they would still do it the same way again if given the opportunity.  So, this Dad clearly has more work to do to infuse integrity into the lifeblood of his boys.  But, at least he is trying to set the example of confession and ownership of wrongdoing. 

You see, the fact is, this Dad is risking losing the prize money by simply telling the truth.  But, in the end, prize money is not worth anything if one dishonors God, violates the trust of his fellow-man, and loses his good name.  God has said through Solomon's pen, "A good name is to be desired more than great riches." 

God cares about integrity.  "Thou shalt not lie" is pretty clear, isn't it? 

And therein lies our problem as humans.  We are all liars.  Even if we confess later and try to make things right, we are still liars to the core.  We tell lies and do dishonest deeds because our hearts (inner lives) are corrupted.   This is exactly what Jesus said in Mark 7:14-23.  We are, simply put, unable to "please God" because we cannot in and of ourselves keep His holy law (Rom 8:8). 

Who among us has not lied?  Used deception?  It is a lack of integrity that is ruining our country from the top down, dear friends!  Do not think for a second this is not a big deal.  We are a nation of liars!

Thank God, however, that there is One of whom it can truthfully be said, "No deceipt was found in His mouth" (1 Peter 2:22).  His Name is Jesus.  He came from heaven, took on human flesh, and lived among us.  He told no lies.  He never dishonored God.  Yet, He bore the wrath of God as if He were the worst liar the world has ever known (2 Cor 5:21).  Why?

So that Nate, Nick, and their Dad through a total trust in Him as Savior might be spared the wrath of God they so deserve and have earned.  And all who are "kindred spirits" with Nate and Nick and their Dad should also fall on the mercy of Christ, confess themselves unworthy sinners and cling to Jesus as the One and Only Savior and hope of salvation. 

No amount of trying to gain integrity will do.  Only those with "clean hands and pure hearts" can climb God's holy mountain.  We need Jesus to stand in our place.  We need His clean hands and His pure heart credited to our account. 

"For we hold that a man is justified (made right with God) by faith apart from works of the law" (Rom 3:28).   

That's good news for all us liars!    

The segment on NBC's Today show this morning had me flabbergasted.  Watch it here:

http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/05/22/6695931-should-parents-be-blamed-when-kids-fail-at-school

Now, if I understand what is happening, schools across the nation are actually beginning to brainstorm ways to punish parents for poor student performance (some schools in Alaska fine parents for truancy among their children). 

While parents surely can and should have the largest influence on their children's attitudes towards education and their performance therein, it is sheer madness for the school system to think it has any right to "grade" parents or punish them if their children aren't meeting a certain standard.  This is fascism, totalitarianism, tyranny - not freedom.

So, how does this work, this idea of schools "grading" parents?  Does a parent of a 6th grader now sit down to be scolded by the single, 22-year old just-out-of-college school teacher concerning parenting skills? 

And who determines the parental grading scale?  What measurements are taken?  What factors are considered?  Poverty?  Dual-income households?  Single-parenting?  Night shifts?  The list goes on, doesn't it? 

Our public education system is in centrifugal decay.  It has not been doing very well at educating our children, even if parents do an otherwise decent job.  The stats to substantiate this claim just keep pouring in.  The system is bankrupt in more ways than one. 

But on this one account I will give the state schools their due - they are recognizing, even in their misguided attempts at lording it over parents, that the solution to all our educational woes lies with the parents, not within the system itself.

[Now, if we could just get Sunday Schools and Youth Ministries to realize this same thing - but that's another post.]

Dads and Moms can fix this mess.  Principles and teachers, while able to make a local dent, simply cannot right the national ship.  It's too much to expect of anyone.  But parents do have the power and God-given authority to right this ship.  Of course, for Christian parents, I believe this demands a return to Deuteronomy 6, Psalm 78, and Ephesians 6.  The time has never been riper for you, Christian parents, to reclaim the raising and teaching of your child(ren).  For the glory of God I pray many of you do, and will do whatever it takes to reinstill a love of learning in your child(ren). 

Education is about God, His glory, His orderly cosmos, His Son, His wisdom, His love.  And, parents are God's chosen vessells to deliver this education.  This design simply cannot be improved upon. 

But for those of you who truly need the state schools, or who choose to keep your children in it, please get into your children's textbooks, into their cell phones, into their lives, and fight to imbue them with God's Word and perspective on all things education.  It will mean overtime hours for you, but God's glory and your children are worth it. 

And for all of us, we must remember what it means to live as free people.  The Federal government's track record in the matter of child-rearing is abysmal.  They had no right, biblically or constitutionally to ever enter the arena of education.  The U.S. Constitution never mentions education, and the 10th Amendment gives all "powers not delegated to the United States . . . nor prohibited by it [the Constitution] to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people."

Interesting, isn't it?  But, the government of the United States has been on a decades long roll towards bigger influence and power over every area of our lives.  They have become the "Savior-State" to which Americans look for everything.  For crying out loud, the Governor of North Carolina does commercials on TV telling us all how to properly sneeze during flu season!   Now the state schools are going to "grade" parents.  Where will it all end?

Thankfully, whatever becomes of the United States, I do know with certainty the answer to that last question.  It will all end up, one day, in an absolute monarcy.  A perfect one, under the reign of King Jesus, the Lord of lords (Rev 21-22).

Until that day, Christian parents, my advice is if at all possible, bring your kids home and raise, teach, and disciple them yourselves.  God's way is still the best way.